Treat me like a lady, gosh darnit.

Lately I have been finding myself in some rather uncomfortable situations. I didn’t really think about it until I was reading an article in Glamour about how women of my generation tend to laugh off sexual harassment in the workplace rather than filing a formal complaint. Women gave reasons such as not wanting to cause a stir about something so minor in the office, or by finding other ways to retaliate against the offender by making an even raunchier joke. Other women just said they don’t really find it that offensive.

I found the article a little upsetting. I am happy that women of my generation have the freedom to have a relaxed attitude about sex, and in turn, sexual harassment. If we want to take a lover, or have a baby out of wedlock, no one is going to socially ostracize us or demand that we leave our job. That, whatever your morals, is progress towards women owning their own bodies to do what they please with them.

However, I do not think it’s ok that jokes that in previous years would have been completely unacceptable to utter in the presence of women, and would most definitely warrant a gasp and a cheek slap as a reprimand have become so common place that women feel ok about laughing them off as normal day-to-day behavior. Just boys being boys.

That is simply not true. I was discussing the matter with a close friend of mine, and she agreed. We think that women find it easier to diffuse and uncomfortable situation with laughter rather than getting deemed a bitch or uptight for scolding the offenders. I’m just not sure when it became ok to treat women as one of the guys rather than treating us like ladies as we deserve to be treated. And I’m not sure when women started accepting this behavior as typical and not maintaining that as ladies we deserve a higher standard of behavior that does not make us feel uncomfortable or objectified.

Now I know many people will disagree, and say that women have fought for equal rights, equality in everything, so why should we still want to be treated in an old fashioned way, where men treat women like delicate flowers, opening doors and paying for checks? Well if old-fashioned means treating women with a little common respect, and as something to be handled a little more gently than the boys, then bring it on. I do not need a man to support me, do things for me, or expect me to cook and clean for him. I do require that all men refrain from objectifying my body, and if that means throwing in a little chivalry while he’s at it, all the better.

I have a lot of guy friends. And as I result, I find myself hanging out with groups of men fairly frequently. I am no prude, but lately I have been finding myself getting offended about the things my guy friends feel comfortable talking about in front of me. This article made me stop and think. When did this start happening? Have they always done this? Why do I let them get away with it? Because, in truth, it does make me uncomfortable.

I used to think it just meant they felt so comfortable with me, that they thought it was ok to relax and talk about whatever in front of me. I don’t mind dirty jokes. I even like to tell them myself. Talking about sex, not a problem. It’s when it crosses the line into treating women like bodies, objects to be enjoyed that it bothers me. And it is not only the boys who are the offenders. A handful of women I am friends with joke around in the same manner. Regardless of the gender, when you start objectifying women publicly as if it is the natural thing to joke about (even if you are one) it gets on my nerves.

I’ll admit. I have been guilty of objectifying men, and talking about their fantastic abs or tight butt, but at least I don’t do it in front of other men. No, I prefer to discuss things like that in private, with a few select girlfriends where we can feel free to be as lewd as we like without risking offending anyone whose stance on the matter we do not know, or appearing to have loose morals to bystanders who don’t know the context. Even if I am not following the standards of the 1950’s housewives, I like to maintain a lady like public countenance.

So boys. Please stop talking about my boobs when I am in the room. And no, I do not want to hear about how you opted to make a reservation at the restaurant closer to your hotel so you can get your girlfriend back faster to hook up after your “romantic” dinner. I am fine with a crude joke here and there. But this is just entering the realm of TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I mean, come on. I have girl friends who don’t even go into that much detail about their sex lives with me, and it is much less offensive when they do.

AND, it just gives me pause. If these are the “nice guys” who care about women and treat them right talking like this, then what are the real creeps like behind closed doors? It’s a view into the male psyche that I would just rather not have. I expect you to be thinking about sex during a romantic dinner. I would just like to hold on to the notion that the dinner itself is also important to you, not just closing the deal afterwards. I prefer to believe that men actually enjoy romantic moments, rather than constantly hearing otherwise from bawdy tales to the boys. Spare me the details please, and the discomfort of having to listen to it.

American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity

Over the weekend, I went and saw the American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, followed by drinks on the rooftop bar while gazing at this glorious bamboo jungle gym that Doug and Mike Starn had erected over the veranda. It turns out that you can take guided tours of the bamboo jungle at certain times. They take you through a maze of paths that stretch up to 40 feet over the roof of the met. It looks/sounds like such a little kid’s dream! I will be returning to climb the bamboo jungle at a later date.

I had been wanting to see the American Woman exhibit for quite some time; the artwork on the roof was just a bonus. I find it totally fascinating to see the connections between what is going on in the world and the fashions of the time. I find it equally fascinating to see how fashions cycle through time periods. I mean, there’s only so many ways to cut a dress right?

The exhibit covered the 1890’s-1940’s of fashion. It broke the periods down into 6 archetypes of female fashion: the heiress, the Gibson girl, the Bohemian, the Suffragette/Patriot the Flapper, and the Screen Siren (in chronological order).

The heiress was the earliest period, when young women started investing in European couture houses with their families’ money. The dresses were satin and gold. The women were gilded lilies, expected to sit still in their corseted waists and look pretty. The second was the Gibson girl. Women started to express their need for activity in sports like tennis and sailing. Clothes adjusted to allow more freedom of movement. Clothes became less fitted, more conservative, and almost business like. Women became more liberal in their movements, and the clothes reflected a sportier feel. There were long pleated skirts, and sports coats with big puffy shoulders. The third period was the Bohemian. It was a similar movement to the Gibson Girl, but rather than expressing themselves through sporting activity, women began to invest themselves in the arts for a means of conveying their emotions. The dresses we long, mainly shapeless, and flowing (think Olson twins), and incredibly beautiful. Head wraps were in style. Women were more often patrons of the arts rather than creators of the arts at this point, but they were investing themselves in creative pursuits.

Next came the patriot/suffragette. In this section, I learned 3 things: 1. They had video at the beginning of WW1, and it was playing tapes of women enlisting in the armed forces/working in factories. 2. Women’s mass display of patriotism during WWI was directly related to their obtaining the right to vote 3. Women were allowed to wear military uniform in WWI, and they were on display in this exhibit!! It was pretty cool.

After the patriot was the flapper, a period of shapeless shifts designed to showcase a lean androgynous shape, which was popular during the 1920’s. Need I say more? This is probably the most recognizable fashion there. The dresses were sequined and flashy, yet not body-hugging. This must have been the period when the horrid drop-waist was invented. Any fitted portion of the dress fell below the natural hip. I found this very surprising. I never realized how loose the dresses of the flapper era were. Their intricacy of design was still unbelievable, the sheer amount of time spent hand-sewing sequins and beading is remarkable. I would love to see something like that made today.

Last in the collection was the screen siren. This was during the 1940’s, a time of the movie star bombshell. It was the first silhouette designed to flaunt and enhance a woman’s natural curves, namely her bust and hips. It was the era of Rita Hayworth, and Lena Horne. The only word to describe it would be pure glamour. Some of the dresses on display were in such good condition, they looked as if they could, and should be worn today.

The exhibit said that the flapper and the screen siren are the archetypes that have had the most lasting impact on American women’s fashion today, and I can clearly see the reverberations of these styles today. I truly enjoyed the collection. I learned a lot, and I see the echoes of my sisters decades ago in the fashions of today. I highly recommend this retrospective as a look into how American women took part, in their daily clothing and daily dress, in shaping a female national identity at times when women’s rights were no where near what they are today. Definitely go see it. At the very least, it will make you think how lucky you are when you realize how recently it has been that women are allowed to wear pants in public.

Sex and the City 2

I finally made it to the theatre to see Sex and the City 2 last night, and while I was a little disappointed in the overall story line, it was an overall satisfying experience. There are two things that I must applaud these ladies for:

1. Looking so utterly fabulous at their age, I mean seriously, they have better bodies than I do

2. Fighting so hard against the social norms put on women to settle down, marry, and have kids.

This movie is all about women having the opportunity to have a voice, choose their life path as they see fit, and essentially live the lives they want, not the lives anyone tells them they should be living. This has been the undercurrent/moral of the story of Sex and the City since its inception, but I guess the directors of this movie wanted to make it extra clear this time around in case anyone missed the message in oh, I don't know, the past 12 years since the series started. From the get go, it was all about women's empowerment. The whole Abu Dhabi scenario was just a gratuitous little chance for the directors to escape the prying eyes of NYC sidewalkers while filming, and to throw the outspoken I'll-do-what-I-want attitude of Carrie, Samantha (especially), Miranda, and Charlotte against the backdrop of the culturally conservative nation they could think of.

I did like that Smith Jared made an appearance, and the new man they found for Samantha was nearly as hot. Who knew that was even possible?! I liked that they finally let Charlotte admit that motherhood is hard, and that she is not, in fact, a robot. I LOVED that Carrie's gay best friend married Charlotte's gay best friend.

But, the whole Carrie plot, who is normally my favorite character was just lack luster. I actually disliked her whole part in the movie. I mean, come on. She made being married to the man of your dreams look like it sucked. And seriously stop cheating on Aiden with Big and Big with Aiden already. That was so 3 seasons ago. Whoever was her hair stylist throughout the movie should also be fired. Let's be serious here, no one gets rewarded for cheating with black diamonds.

Am I happy I saw it? Yes. Do I hope and pray they won't make another? Please don't let them!