A Least I Know My Neighbors will Rescue Me if I'm Being Assaulted

So tonight, as I was absentmindedly opening my mail and unlocking the door to my apartment, without really looking at the door I had the horrifying experience of having a roach crawl onto my hand as I was turning the key. This resulted in me screaming and thrashing about to get it off of me, and then screaming and thrashing about more after I got scared that it might have flown off my hand and into my hair. I eventually calmed down enough to spot the offending little parasite on the floor of the hallway in time to loudly stomp it to death. Luckily the boys that live downstairs from me heard my girlish screams and came out to see if I was ok, wondering from all the commotion if I was being assaulted. Then, they laughed at me for being so scared of a harmless little bug. I, on the other hand, was not amused.

Now, your typical New Yorker doesn't understand my terror at these common little fiends, but I challenge anyone to have one of the awful creatures actually crawl upon them, and then not spiral into complete hysteria whenever one shows its hideous armored little body.

The first time I ever saw a roach ever was while dining at an outdoor restaurant in the Village. i won't name names, but I have doubted its cleanliness ever since. I was sitting there enjoying my brunch in the sunshine, when suddenly I felt something brush on my foot. Then I fell something crawl upon my foot. I looked down, and started screaming and kicking my leg frantically when I spotted a roach resting comfortably on top of my sandal straps. This display was greatly entertaining to the passers-by and my dining companions, but I needed a white russian at the restaurant across the street to calm my nerves.

And now tonight, even after the roach is safely flattened in the hallway outside my apartment, the feeling of something crawling on my skin lingers, so that every time my sweat pant leg brushes the top of my foot I jump and gasp a little bit, remembering my first encounter with the most awful pest to ever live, the roach.