Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Spanx: A Girl's Best FriENEMY

Ever since they hit the Oprah show, Spanx have been the new hotness is body-shaping apparel. More comfortable than control top hose, everyone from celebrities to the average Jane wanting to eliminate “VPL” (visible panty lines—Spanx’s term, not mine) and those jiggly lumps and bumps that always pop out after a few too many nachos at Sunday afternoon football, has been donning the slimming garment underneath their clothes. The options are endless, from full leg shaping hose--think leggings made of really springy spandex—slimming skirt inserts, and even leg sleeves for cropped pants. There is truly a SPANX for every garment and occasion. And don’t forget your top half there are slimming camis to even out your waistline.

I experimented with SPANX recently, and tried out a skirt insert under a clingy dress that tends to expose tummy bulges on even the most fit stomachs. And I was confronted by the classic dilemma of the young woman, out on the town wearing undergarments that enhance her figure, but not necessarily her sex appeal. Think Bridget Jones’ dilemma: the tummy flattening, oversized granny panties or the lacy thong leaving your love handles waving in the wind.

What happens to the Spanx when your guy friend has one too many tequila shots and gets a little extra friendly, sliding his hand down the curve of your back and over your butt—will he be drunk enough not to notice the telling line where Spanx end and your legs begin? Or will all your college friends be hearing about Jane’s strange elastic dents the next day?

Or if a lady is getting a little lucky and manages to meet Mister Right at the bar while Spanx clad. How do you gracefully slip out of a full spandex suit when in the heat of the moment, and will prince charming be alarmed by the boa constrictor garment we’ve squeezed ourselves into that simply serves to mask our womanly curves? Or if we manage to excuse ourselves to slip into something a little more comfortable, or slip out of something a little less comfortable as the case may be, will the Rico Suave be perceptive enough to observe the difference, and can the Spanx fold up small enough to be stashed inside our evening clutch?

Spanx are office friendly, and work wonders for a lady’s power suit. But I say, when work turns to play, and there is any chance of intimate touching, kick this frenemy to the curb!

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